College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
