Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
How does one acquire holy water?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
