You made me cry and you don't even care
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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