You kept trying to hail an ambulance
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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