I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
