she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
