Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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