So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
