Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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