I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
