Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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