shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
did i just pee glitter
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
