They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
