I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
This baby is an asshole
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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