how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
