matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
