ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
