i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
send nudes
from the living room?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
