So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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