I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
