you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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