oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
