I'm eating all of the evidence.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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