Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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