Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm too high and old for this...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
