he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
