Will you blow on my dice?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
