I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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