Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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