At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
