he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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