Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize