sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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