grandma shit on top of the toilet
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
