I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
he just fucked me for my cheese.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
