dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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