My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
