Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
