I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
