Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
