guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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