Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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