The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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