Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
