I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
