someone threw a dead crab at me
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Randomize
