I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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