I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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