I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
