It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
