So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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