his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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