Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
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