part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
