no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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