I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
