i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
