Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I want a musical about memes.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
