i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
