dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
