i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
