Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
