the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
