No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
