No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
