I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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