I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I currently don't understand fingers.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
