dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
50% drunk capacity currently
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
