I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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