She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize